Clearer Vision

Oh summer.

The time for me to rue the weather and count the days until fall.

Wait. No.  That doesn't sound right. 

I regularly feel about summer like I feel about going to the dentist; that is to say, not excited about it's inevitability.  BUT, if I think hard, there are many, many good things I can point to in my life--pivotal points, even--that should make summer a welcome guest.  So, it's with this spirit that I've actively tried to talk myself into embracing summer and seeing what happens.

And it's worked. A lot of good things coalesced into a time and space that really hinted that something transformative is happening.  I'm no longer on the cusp...things are moving...and I'd be good to stay out of its way and just let the magic happen.

One of these things tingling back to life is a sense of creativity, which in a world of analysis, is often relegated to about 8 kahuna on the list of kahunas.  It gets smashed and trampled in the "hard" world of logic.  But all that might be illogical is not bad.  There cannot be a yang without a yin if you know what I mean.  What's hard to remember is that creativity needs practice to be cultivated just like anything else.  Once I started practicing again, bang there it was with all of its colors and conflicting, nonsensical dimensions.  And life got much more colorful.  And hopeful.  Light and air became regular visitors again.

So while I've been essentially meditating on creativity, I've been simultaneously, consequently thinking to myself, "What do I want this life of mine to be?" I'm always flabbergasted to hear that people don't ask themselves this question, like, every hour or so...like I have my whole life.  But how interesting the response I found when in the realm of the creative.  Whole new answers appeared that I have never considered.  I became unburdened by some of the old stand-by constraints.  My gray cells were working with a new...spark. 

And here's what I was thinking about just today as I was walking home from the car I have to park about a mile away to ensure its safety, "I don't just want to be balanced.  Balanced implies you're already full.  I want to be full first.  Full of the best things I can imagine.  And if I'm careful along the way, full should be balanced."

I'm not sure where that came from but it was new for me.  I want to be full...but what that means for me is probably not what that means for you.  Maybe it is.  But we'll only know after I find out what it means for me.  This felt like an invitation from something either deep within or far, far outside of me to seize the power I have to determine what full means: in my lifestyle, in my career, in my family, in my body.

This gave me the idea to maybe restructure this blog a bit.  I often find I reflect on things that tend toward topics all too similar but vague.  Perhaps the only nod I'll give to my analytical self is my need to quantify and record; a challenge to get specific.  

I think that's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to reflect and write and sometimes record things along those 4 categories...honoring whatever surfaces at whatever time and not purposely working hard to keep things even or equally distributed.  Let's see where that takes me.

I think about these things all the time.  It's maybe time to start writing them down.  So as to be full.