Culminating Moments

There's something to be said for creativity and abject exhaustion.

I have had a week of very early morning meetings and, because I'm a creature of the night, I haven't had much sleep this week.  It's Friday and after the third 8am meeting in 3 days, my eyelids are drooping at half-mast and I'm starting to question the meaning of life.

But not really.

I think for anyone who runs on the nervous or anxious side, this kind of involuntary exhaustion brings incredible clarity.  Usually my mind is overwhelming firing on all 10,000 cylinders--sometimes to the point that I get physically exhausted.  I think that's why online games are such a source of relaxation: it's a single-minded activity.  I can recoup during those times.  Without the nervous chatter, I can see how things are.  Life is no longer a dialogue or a trialogue in my head; it's just me seeing things for what they are.

When I lack the energy or strength to fight, amazing things start happening.  I think these should be called culminating moments.  Just as in growing plants there are times to be active and times to be passive, so too is that through in the life-cycle of a thought.  Actually, many thoughts.  Without the prattle of everyday chores and actions, things can make sense in profound ways.

Such is this moment.  And the thing I like about this moment is not that it's a reckoning or reasoning or coping; it's actually just accepting things as they are because I don't have the wherewithal to fight right now.  Singing: whatever comes will come.  Maybe it's time to grow silent for awhile.  Organizational life: I have a voice that should be heard more, thoughtfully.  Intellectual life: the dragon is re-awakening.  I feel like this could become a very productive time, I just need some focus.  Physical life: I could be a kick-ass tennis player if I get my shit together.

There are times that you need the energy to climb mountains and you do.  And then you risk getting stuck up there.  Coming down is so much more careful, tricky, unexpected work.  Funny how you can't bound down a mountain.

That's just one step at a time with a path fully in sight.