All There Is

My least favorite moment is the one in which I realize that I want something to happen one way and it's not going to.  Especially when I've tried really hard to bend in the direction I know is right.  It's actually a manipulative thing to do.  And always a hard lesson to learn that, regardless of what I think will happen, once I've put it out there, I cannot control what comes next.

But the movies always tell me I can.
They lie.

This is one area for growth that has so much potential (in that I'm not very far in my growth at all...).  Kindness will not always be met with kindness.  Generosity can feel overwhelming.  Love can befuddle.  And because all of these are true, I can't write the script on how I want them to be received.  Because with all of these, it's not really about me.  It's about these things.  In this case, intention is mostly everything.  But it comes with no guarantees.

Sometimes I want people to react in ways they never will.  I want to be validated for the good I've done.  I want to feel like it was worth it to me.  But in those moments, I always have to re-learn, I'm actually much farther away from where I need to be.   If I'm going to love, then I have to do it.  If I'm going to be generous, then that moment of generosity is everything.

And that will be all there is.

And that's the way it should be.